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red, hair

Yet another post from me!

This is going under a cut, purely cos I don't know how long I am going to waffle on for, and because it's not the cheeriest of posts..

Last night I hardly slept, because I was ever so sleepy during the day and by bedtime I was wide awake again!
I swear I am getting nocturnal O_o
Plus Ste was staying at his parents house and I really missed him..
"The bed's too big without yoooou!"
Yep, 'The Police'.. <3

Anyway. I got up at 9am and got ready for my midwife appointment - Mary came to my house today for a chat and to see what sort of room we have for the birthing pool etc.

is what I want.

I thought it was going okay..
But then she said that she was concerned about the baby measuring 'large' and that she will book me in to see a consultant at the hospital when I am about 36 weeks pregnant so that they can have their say on what happens next :[

I am SO frustrated.
So what if he is 2 weeks ahead in growth?!
Does that mean that I won't be able to give birth naturally on my own terms? :[
My midwife was telling me not to worry, because even if I do have a c-section then it doesn't mean I can't try to give birth naturally with my next child - oh, but I will have to be continuously monitored at the hospital from the moment I go in to labour, by the way! O_o
It took all my strength not to yell and cry..
Somehow I managed.

I sat there, looked right in to her eyes and I said "I will do this naturally if I can, as long as my son is healthy and not distressed. I would never purposefully endanger my sons health. But I want a natural birth at home, I want to try and give birth to him normally, even if he is a little larger than some babies. I want the chance to TRY."..

She said she understood, but then went on to tell me alllll about shoulder dystocia, and how, if my pelvis isn't big enough to get my son out, he can become trapped at the shoulders.
She also said that ordinary contractions can start to suffocate a big baby, as when a contraction occurs the cord gets squeezed and limits oxygen supply >.<
She then gave me a huuuuge list of all the reasons I might have to be transferred to the hospital.

At this point I was nearly in tears, thinking to myself..
Why on earth did she bother to agree to a homebirth if they obviously concern her so much?!
I think she is hoping the consultant will say I shouldn't have one, so she doesn't have to deal with my rage :/

This whole process was something I was INCREDIBLY excited about..
Now it's becoming something so negative and worrysome.
All I know is, I am NOT giving up on this.
I want what is best for myself and my son.

As soon as the midwife left, I just looked at my Mum and burst in to tears.
She told me not to be silly, that the midwife is just covering her back by making me aware of all the negative things..
But still, I can't help but think that this homebirth will not happen if the medical team have it their way.

I keep repeating another midwifes words in my head, who really made an impact on me..
"Express yourself! Tell us what you want. Let it be known! We are here to help and support you, not fight with you.."
It just doesn't feel that way right now though..

I have to pull myself together.
Ste is at his graduation ceremony and I am not there with him - I feel gutted to say the least.
I am glad I get to see him later though..
But I can't let this ruin his day.
I have to pick myself up, dust myself off and move on.


thank you SO much sweet girl <3

tell me about it - i had no idea boots were quite THAT cool, haha :]

i'm hoping soooo much that the consultant gives us the go-ahead with the homebirth..
if this dream falls apart i know it's going to hurt.
i don't really know much about home births since everyone i know (with the exception of my grandmother) was born in a hospital. i figure that she's just saying this for the legal reasons since everyone is so sue happy these days. and he's only a tiny bit bigger than he's supposed to be, it's not like he's a giant in there! *hugs* cheer up sweetheart! everything will fall into place.
i hope you're right darling, thank you <3
i know - i really hope they realise they're over-reacting and let nature take it's course..
start the way you want but know that going to the hospital is a very serious option, and a likely one. even if it is the last thing in the world you want to do, you need to be prepared to keep the baby safe if something happens (and i hope that it doesn't)! i was very adamantly against a c-section and i fought and fought and fought, but my baby was in distress to no fault of my own, and at that time i didn't care if someone cut my head off as long as he was okay!!

i hope that things go your way! keep us updated!
i will do anything to keep my baby safe :[
My brother was going to be such a huge baby that they induced his birth 3 weeks early and he was still 9 odd pounds. My sister was the second biggest baby in the hospital. I got trapped at the shoulders.

My mama has biiiiig babies!

I hope everything turns out the way you want it though.
Aww :( I don't know anything about babies really so I can't comment, but I hope you get given the go ahead for exactly what you want!
aaw im sorry! I hope he isnt too big to be born like you want.. my friend had an emergency c-section because she pushed and pushed and could not get her baby out :(.. so hopefully you will be able to try at home and then if he cant come out they will let you got to the hospital. sometimes the measurements are not always correct anyway.
Wow that is so sad that there are such possibilities that you might have to go to the hospital. It does sound scary and discouraging. Ill pray for the best :)
Aw, darling try not getting too upset! *huggles and love* I'm sure she wasn't trying to discourage you, but wanted to list off complications that could happen for medical and legal reasons. Go see the consultant and like your other midwife said, let yourself be heard. Make sure the consultant knows exactly what you want and see from where the tests lead. It may even end up being no big deal, and I hope it. You deserve everything you want. ♥

Relax and have fun with Stephen tonight, doll! ♥♥
aw dont worry, just remember to choose the best thing for you on bubbs <3
im sure once you see your beautiful baby - it wont matter HOW or WHERE he was born!

when i was being born (in a hospital) there was a last minute complication where my oxygen was getting cut off (which can lead to many problems including CP), and thank GOD i was in a hospital because my dad (who is a surgeon) was able to fix everything.
hospitals are not the enemy! *everyones* goal is to see you and baby healthy.
good luck !
oh wow, i've never heard of that~
is that like a DIY have-a-baby kit? ( >w<)
i don't know anything about babies, but i'll be wishing you luck ♥

advice from a midwife

Navelgazing Midwife gave her thoughts on your situation.

Have you seen the post?

i just wanted to say that i am completely staggered and so amazed by the response to this entry!
it was written at a time when i felt so alone, so pressured..
and simply reading through your comments made me realise that i am a very lucky girl to have friends like you <3

i also have to mention how grateful i am to "navelgazing midwife" for commenting on my situation and giving me some tips! :D
i must admit, i feel quite starstruck lol
i will make another post about that tomorrow.

thanks again, and lots of hugs for you all

hiya from a stranger

You don't know me, but I wanted to send you a message from an internet friend - call me a postal delivery service, if you wish. I had a home birth with my second, and my midwife keeps a blog that I read. She somehow found your post here and really feels for you. She'd like to help out and wrote a long reply, but over on her journal as she couldn't figure out how to do it here. As I LJ, I offered to post a link to her blog for you to read, if you'd like.

Here goes:

Good luck. I hope everything goes well and is better than expected. :)
i'm trying hard not to get stressed, but it's ever so hard when people always look on the negative side of something that is so incredibly important to me :[
i'm trying to get as many professional opinions as possible at this point, and to research everything so i know my facts.
thank you darling, i hope so too!
thank you so much for your comment :]

i'm actually a member of the naturalbirth community, but i didn't think of posting there..
i guess i just thought i would vent in my journal and that would be it - i honestly didn't expect so much lovely support! <3

thanks ever so much for your reassurance - it means a lot to have someone back up the things i know, but that nobody seems to be listening to :[

i will start working on my post to the naturalbirth community now :D
red, hair

September 2009

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